Chaos in a Box

Where should I start, dear LJ? Do you want the good/happy, or the frustrating/confusing/pissy?

Perhaps we'll get the bitching out of the way?

I declined my "new" job, today. The manager sent me the schedule, which was not at ALL what we talked about, she was completely inflexible about it... couldn't garentee me my week in January for The Rock Boat, was generally bitchy... and.... I dunno. I guess I wasn't really that excited about going back into retail, really. The last few days I've been one big breakdown, stressing and trying to keep my shit together... but I think that's because this just wasn't the right thing.... I think I was trying to do the right thing, but missing the mark, for all the weirdest reasons. I don't really want to work until 9:30p at night, sometimes, and especially not on the weekends. Every weekend. I don't want to have to work every holiday. I don't want to run a cash register, and I don't want to deal with retail bullshit again.
I did want to move to Burlington, and I think (in retrospect) this was the only way I thought I could do it, anytime soon. (as the job offers haven't been pouring in)... and I jumped on it... and psyched myself up.... but when you find yourself crying all the time about transitions, instead of being just a little excited... something's wrong.
Added to which... I am unsure about moving with Justa. She says she "wants" to move, and she wants to live with me... but even after discussion I'm not sure we're seeing eye to eye about what we're looking for... and I'm not sure she'd tell me (hello, passive-aggressive). And... she's not helping me at ALL with said apartment search... so, it makes me a little... weary of pushing her into this.
So. Between the job and the apartment, I was way too freaked out, rather than excited. And I'm not doing that. damnit. School was MORE than happy to keep me on, even though they understand that it's really just temporary until I find the -right- job in B-town... They can at least begin to prepare for my departure, rather than just scramble with 2 weeks notice.

So... it's all on hold. Sometimes, running away just isn't the answer.

In OTHER (happy!) news, the Carbon Leaf/Matt Nathanson show last night was AWESOME. I have a major little fan-girly crush on Matt, I'll admit it. He was beyond funny and entertaining - and his music was great! A+! I'm so in search of his CD's now.

Carbon Leaf was great, as always... but who in the heck was the random crazy-accordian (etc.)-guy on stage with them? He was rocking with his accordian all over the place, and sometimes on his keyboard..... Did I miss a memo somewhere?

So. The verdict is that I do like the new CD stuff better live. It still tends to be a little... mellow? more studio? than I would like... but, I still enjoy it. Thank god they did "The Boxer" for their second encore song. What would a CL show be without it??
Randomly, I happened to notice, when Barry announced that you could hear/get their new CD in Starbucks, he seemed a little... ashamed? aware of a little bit of sell-out? ... or.. something. He seemed a bit.. down, when he said it. ..... PERHAPS this means their next CD will be un-mainstreamy???? (*crosses fingers*)

Alright. it's been a long day.... we had 4 police cruisers, one ambulance, several assaults, one arm needing stitches, 2 broken windows, god knows how many swear words, 5 (specifically) crisis staff, 3 people spit on, and a dozen punches thrown.

I need SLEEP.

Tags: cl, concerts, dcs, nsm, turmoil
I'm feeling...: contemplative
I'm rockin' out to:: A girl and her Horse - CL