What a day today. And I mean that in the most sarcastic sense of the word.

I didn't even get out of my pajamas. But then again, it was a hella-rainy Sunday, who says I have to?

I feel like I did nothing today... I tried to read, but couldn't stick with it, I couldn't get sucked into TV, or Sims or anything like that; I pretty much bounced from one thing to the other today and was pretty much satisfied with nothing. Restless, you might say.
In the end, I watched Walk the Line... all in all, a good movie. I'm a big fan of Joaquin Phoenix... so.

And now... I'm trying to convince myself that sleeping would be a good thing to do. I don't feel particularly tired. Although, I know that's because I'm all keyed up. Tomorrow I will either hear good news from the really great job.... or not. It could be one hell of a day.

It is really just one hell of a Life. I feel like the last year or so has really given new meaning to 'low point'.  There have been some good things, sure... but I feel like there has been a whole hell of a lot of rough road. It's not even that I mind a rough road... but, hell... must it be THIS complex, ALL the time?  Could I catch a break, just ONCE?

I feel like the world is pressing in on me. Overwhelmed. Tired. Unsure.

I am just telling myself to keep on walking, so to speak... not only is it the only thing to do, it's the only thing I *can* do at this moment.  I feel like I am losing pieces of myself though. I miss music in my life - going to concerts, singing, acting, piano.... I miss HORSES. Oh GOD do I miss horses... but there isn't enough money in the world for me to afford that right now.... I miss my spontaneity. I used to just up and do stuff... now I have to plan for every single penny - because I don't have it, and I'm constantly juggling debts to make everything okay.  I miss not avoiding people, because I don't have the money to 'hang out' and go to the movies and dinner and coffee and stuff. I feel like I am sucking at life.

This can't go on forever, right? *sigh*

Tags: bills, money, unemployment, upset
You might find me at: Montpelier, VT
I'm feeling...: restless
I'm rockin' out to:: Walk the Line - Johnny Cash